A fair chance for gay couples

Dear Senator Turner,

I was born in Jersey and raised in Calfornia. I came back as a graduate student in physics at Princeton University. I support marriage equality.

My parents raised me as an Evangelical Christian, and I was a true born-again believer before I converted to atheism in college. I still remember how to draw the "cross and the chasm" to illustrate the salvation that the Jesus of the Evangelical tradition offered through John 3:16. I can recite, "salvation not by works, but by the grace of God alone," until I turn blue.

I am also a gay man. I came out to my parents in 2006, and now they support marriage equality alongside me.

Having come from both sides, I honestly believe that New Jerseyans, both those supporting and those opposing marriage equality, believe with honest conscience that they support civil rights, the Constitution, and religion. We are all sincere in our patriotism.

This is not a letter explicitly about civil rights, the Constitution, and religion. This is a letter about the deepest convictions and emotional knowledge that so often, for us as human beings, inform our more analytical arguments about civil rights, the Constitution, and religion.

I know with deepest conviction that when my friends and I treat gay couples as though they were married, literally referring to them as spouses in marriage, they live up to that name and act just like straight couples. They work hard to pay the bills, squabble about stupid things, and fight to give their children the best future possible. This is an emotional experience I hold at the most fundamental level in my heart that tells me that legalizing same-sex marriage is the right thing to do.

Now I want to ask you and anyone yet to commit to supporting marriage equality whether the same experience is part of your heart. When you treat gay couples as bona fide married couples, personally using the words "husbands" and "wives" and calling gay couples "married" with belief and honest tone, do they not live up to the word "marriage" just like straight married couples? Have you personally done this experiment to find out how gay couples respond when you call them "married"\ believing sincerely that it is true?

I am concerned that some people don't have this emotional experience, not because gay couples fail to live up to the label "marriage" as well as straight couples, and again in my personal experience gay couples I call "married" act like straight couples I show the same respect, but because some people who oppose gay marriage don't let themselves perform the personal experiment of seeing what would happen if they said, "hello," to a gay couple and with deepest honesty and warmest embrace, said, "You are a married couple, and I recognize you."

Sincerely,

David Liao